So what's changed in the last 90 days? More flexibility, more strength, more resilience. I'm sad to say that I didn't put in 100% on this project like I did with PCP -- more like 85%. I just didn't have the energy or the motivation to attack this thing with everything I had. But 85% is still quite a lot, and an incredible improvement over where I was a year ago.
I feel more settled in my routine these days. Sleep, vegetables and sweat are a part of my life, not something exceptional. I definitely have to make an effort to get all those things in, it's not automatic, but I function so much better and have so much more to give when I take care of those basic requirements. I've always known this but now I feel it deeply, so it's easier to get up early and work out or add a side of chopped veggies to my sandwich at lunch. I've also learned that I'm pretty happy with much less alcohol than I was consuming -- not that I drank a lot before, but I know that 1-2 glasses of wine a week is really enough.
I started this project pretty uninterested in kung fu, martial arts, or any of the speed and accuracy things we were trying to learn: I just wanted to reinforce my good PCP habits and get some definition back in my arms. Well, guess what? Good PCP habits reinforced, definition in arms achieved... AND I've really had fun with the speed and accuracy stuff too. I like feeling strong and powerful and yes, maybe able to defend myself in a most unlikely physical altercation. I see now that the ability to defend myself is not just about punching somebody's lights out. In order to be able to punch somebody's lights out, I have to be calm, confident, collected, in control of my power, and not motivated by fear or aggression. Those are all excellent things to develop. I finally understand why people study martial arts, and I think it's pretty cool! I've been looking around town to find a place where I might be able to continue my studies with some other people actually in the room.
I've also been glad to have the opportunity for a daily meditation practice. Just like with exercise, the hardest part is getting started. I feel like I could write paragraphs about what's going on in my head during meditation, but that's just more chattering. In my case, the daily meditation on our workout sheets served to reconnect me to something that used to be a regular part of my life. I'm going to use the momentum I've got to keep it rolling!
I don't have a photo at the moment -- need to get someone else to snap one of me -- but I'll say that I'm in my smallest-sized clothes now. Interestingly enough, the scale has barely moved since the beginning of KFB. This is a good reminder again that the number on the scale is only one indication of health. If I had only been looking at the scale I would be disappointed indeed. I'll post a pic in the next couple of days.
Thank you, Brett and Ellen, for staying here throughout! We did it together! And thank you, also, Ilan, Naoko and Deborah for your enthusiasm and efforts. I'll be here to cheer you on when it's your turn.
Thank you, as always, Patrick, for your encouragement, your good words, and your deep understanding.
That's all for now. It's hard to sum up this experience in words. After finishing the PCP, I felt totally transformed, with a new and different perspective. Now, I feel deepened, more of how I'm learning to be. Just another step on the journey...
